Ask my friends and they might tell you that I’m a family man. I call my mom every day, I’m practically joined to my wife’s hip and I talk about family every day -Even at work ! I mean, my students must get tired to hear me going on and on about my dog Benny and the rest of my clan.
Yeah, on the surface I’m your regular middle aged Mediterranean man. I’ve got a soft spot for the good things in life : Swiss watches, German cars, Scotch whiskey, Italian shoes, latin women and French dogs.
Oh, and I like to have fun. Fun at work, fun after home, fun in bed, I see a joke everywhere and anytime. He just loves life they’ll tell you. I really don’t care what people think to tell you the truth. I couldn’t give less of a fuck.
Really, to someone who knows me, I’m those things and little more. And they’re probably right. After all, are we what others see or are we really what we see ? Is that one of those eternal questions ? Like the chicken or the egg ? Or what comes after life ?
How many of us fail to actually show who we truly are ? And does it really matter ? Is that what this text is about ? I mean, who gives a shit about who I TRULY am ? And why should it matter ? I can function pretty well as a sleeper agent in this comfortable play, right ? I can play the role that’s been dealt. I can keep the mask on. And they all lived happily ever after.
I wonder even, what am I missing out on by NOT living life as me. 100% me. Is that even possible ? I mean, what a stupide fucking question. If we were all to live out our lives as we truly are, it would be utter bloody mayhem out there … Wouldn’t it ? Guys fighting over girls, taking what’s not theirs without any regard for law, let alone merit or morals. Are we naturally programmed to suppress our true selves after all in order to maintain the greater good of the clan ? Is that what happened when man became sedentary ? We slowly drifted away from the law of the mightiest and without realizing it ended up in this stupid mess called the 21st century ?
It all started with one rule, maybe ten, and then, before we knew it, we enter this world where everything has rules and protocols and an etiquette…
But I digress …
I was trying to tell you about me. See how hard it is ?
I mean it’s a challenge. I’m not even sure I actually know who I am myself. And I guess that’s what this process is all about. Hopefully I’ll end up learning something by the time I’m done.
Let’s just say that there’s something that finally pushed me over the edge into going back to writing for the first time in almost ten years.
**so it’s this scene in a TV series right… and the subject matter is a mix of heavy and funny (like most American TV that’s worth anything) and one of the characters said something that really hit a chord with me. I’ll probably start the next entry with that but let’s just say it fit like a glove. It fit one the sides of my personality (that’s one of my commonly used expressions by the way).
Jamaicanlebanese 